Current mood:

amused

In which I contract SARS from an asian bairn
I'm so painstakingly ill, you just wouldn't believe it.

I've got not one but two (count em!) different infections battling around inside my body, so says the free (and by that they don't mean FREE *mutter*) clinic. Upper repiratory and nasal infections abound. Ugh.

And I mean ugh.

Lately its been coughing up babies in between bouts of asthmatic breathlessness. I am attractive as hell, lemme tell ya. Meow.

I went to the doctor and was refreshed to have a female doc walk in. She seemed very young and I just don't see enough women in that role so yes, I was tickled. She prescribed some antibiotics and a prescription inhaler to help me breathe a little better. I tried my damndest to play up the whole "I've been coughing and blowing my nose so hard that my back and abdomen muscles are seizing so give me lots of prescription painkills as well angle (which is true!) but alas, no dice. Damn. No happy fun vicodins for me. I joked around with her and when I left she hugged me. She seemed like the type I'd like to go have drinks with. Totally bonded, right on.

I recognized the antibiotic she prescribed as similar to one I'd taken previously and asked her questions about it, feeling oh so snappy and smart, a real in control and responsible feminist regarding my personal health (Learning about girl-health is fun!) but just didn't get the hard hitting answers I was looking for. I immediately went home and consulted Mom because she is an RN and is OH so cool and knows everything useful ever.

Now comes the sensitive part. If you are uncomfortable discussing female reproductive health (and by reproductive, I mean PUSSY) then do move on to something else, gentle reader.

The antibiotics I took before sucked ass because they made me smell yeasty. Kindof like when you drink all night then wake up and it's coming from your very pores, you can shower, whatever, its just gonna be there, hanging on you. The smell the pills incurred was all over but was especially concentrated between my legs - I have a very sensitive pussy. And while I didn't have the symptoms of the dreaded yeast infection (THE yeast infection? Ok, A yeast infection), I did have that damn yeasty.. smell. Yuck. And it drove me fucking nuts (as it well would). The doc told me "well, it's very common for women on antibiotics to acquire yeast infections because antibiotics wipe out all the bacteria in your body, including the good kind that keep those yeast infections at bay so just take the pills for the 10 days (!) and at the end of it, use an over the counter yeast infection medication. If it doesn't clear up after that, come on in and we'll uh.." she starts to fumble, here "put you on the table and see.." "We'll pop the hood and take a look at whats under there?", I offered. "Yes", she giggled.

Well, thats fine. Thats great, if I wanted to smell yeasty for ten damn days and THEN do something about something that I have no symptoms of. I have the smell, not the symptoms, while taking these damn antibiotics. So I call Mom who is both informed and cool, and she says "Oh yeah, I always go to the grocery store and buy some yogurt when I get antibiotics prescribed to me."

This is the cool part:

Yogurt restores the cultures of good girl-bacteria to your body that fends off yeast infections so eating some will take that away right quick. This works for antibiotic caused infections or the kind you get for any other regular reason. BUT - you can also, for a faster relief, apply yogurt topically. That's right. You can liberally coat your vagina with plain yogurt to treat and banish a yeast infection. You don't want to use a fruit infused kind though, you don't want blueberries or peaches up the Mrs. VaJayJay. You eat half, then apply the other half on yourself and leave it for 30 minutes and instant cure! Crazy! And I love it!

I was tickled at finding out such a powerful home remedy for my girl bits and asked my mother how in the hell she knew this. She recanted "Our Bodies, Ourselves" a 70's era revolutionary text which ALSO tells you how to give a SELF gyno exam with just you (yourself), a speculum, and a mirror. Mom said she used to have parties with her friends in the 70's where a bunch of feminists would check that text out from the library then get together and learn all about taking control of their own reproductive health by showing each other how to give a self exam. My mother is so punk rock! D.I.Y. gyno exams!

!

This is fantastic! For one thing, I haven't had been to the girl-doctor since I was 17 due to not having insurance to pay for such a thing. VERY troubling to not check in with the health of one's pussy at least once every year. For another, it really teaches girls to know what the fuck goes on in there and to become intimate with oneself and one's body. And being concerned and learning about your own body is sooo freaking responsibly cool and fun. I totally want to have a party like this! Spread the word, girls! your pussy is beautiful! Lets get in touch with our pussies and take control of our health!

Wicked cool, my mom is.